Moments and Msgs!
by hai-edogawa
Summary: Well this one is my non tragic fic... mostly comprised of humor... some are lame some are hot as flame. Also as usual Heavenly Co Ai romance... Reviews welcomed if this fic has a chance... *** Fixed to much extent...go through all readers*
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter ****1**

Co Ai lovely moments.

It was a bright day, the detective boys were at the park, all were busy discussing about their weekends.

But Conan and Ai passed the game while they suited themselves on the park bench.

Conan recalled a bruit he heard of about Haibara and wanted to confirm the same.

He quoted "Haibara... I heard that you are good at making poetry"

She answered him flatly "What is your source of info Kudo-kun, Besides I am impressed to know, since when did you started to think about me, huh"

He muttered "Oi oi, leave that background interrogation aside, just say aren't you good at scripting Poetry's?, I heard from your fan boys, about you writing sweet poems on animals and nature"

She was surprised at his saying, but she rolled her eyes comically when he made a comment on fan Boys.

He smirked and added "Although, I couldn't believe your poems would be sweet, considering your stone cold and robotic composure, but I would love to confirm if you are a poet"

She was taken aback by his statement, but she answered in irony "Ahraa... may be... but what about it? Don't tell me you wanna hear one form me?"

He smiled and childishly requested "Well, can you make on upon me"

She showed a puzzled-surprised look "Nani!, you want me to make a poetry on you?"

He blushed and nodded.

She sighed. "You better be sure what you ask for Edogawa-kun!, I shall rather make a poem on a police dog, than a death magnet like you."

He smiled in amusement at her lines. "Yeah I am sure of it!, please a short one will do!". Though he was truly frustrated as he recalled 'death magnet' in her lines.

She thought for a while and smirked.

She stared

"God made daylight and called it the SUN!

God made entertainment and called it FUN!"

"um..hmm... go ahead!". He smiled, somewhat feeling like he was touched by her poetry & tone. And smiled after understanding those cute lines. Also he had his eyes closed for the matter.

She grinned at his expression and smiled devilishly

"God made daylight and called it the SUN!

God made entertainment and called it FUN!"

"God made nightlight and called it the MOON

God made you, and it's called CARTOON"

He continued to smile absent-mindedly, then he halted all of a sudden and instantly he sweat dropped while giving an "Oi Oi" look.

While she walked away. And he followed. Gritting under his breath "Saa!..." in a big frustration and thought to fight back cleverly.

While walking with her. He found a newly finished building. An apartment decorated fully.

Both enjoyed the view and were looking at the decoration for quiet a good time.

And while doing so. He asked her. "What is the Minimum Area with Maximum Decoration...?"

After a brief silence. "Well, the roofs and windows are nicely decorated!" she answered. Thoughtfully.

He sighed but quickly recovered. He asked again "Eh... I didn't ask about the building"

"What did you asked then?". A dry question followed his statement.

"I mean in general. The hint is 'it's too small for an area but they decorate a lot on it'. I mean maximum decoration for a given area. Where do you find it."

She sighed weakly and murmured "Am not good at your detective game, and puzzles. Edogawa-kun"

He answered teasingly and smiling a victory "Tell me you give up!"

She looked at him. "Well, I give up. Now will you tell me the answer"

"Oh you are curious about it?..." He chuckled. "A Girl's Face". He answered and smirked.

"Ahraa, Unlike your Girl-friend's Mouri-san and Yoshida-san!, I don't wear much of make up". She mocked him with a snappy reaction.

He flustered and thought about it."Well, ah.. that's true, I didn't mean specifically about you. I stated generally". In addition to that he sighed in mortifiedness.

She just rolled her eyes.

He asked wondering "Ah... but what do you read in your fashion magazine. So regularly"

"I read a particular section, where in they write how to deal with a person who has his foot in his mouth, I mean a certain bothering person". She lazily commented. As though she was suppressing a tired yawn.

He flushed. "What do you mean. A 'fashion magazine' teaching such a weird stuff. Most importantly who's bothering you".

She ironically smiled & replied "Guess who?"

He thoughtfully stood for a while and squinted his eyes. "You don't mean its me right?"

She quoted "Bingo!"

He gritted "Tsk...ck" and heaved a sigh.

"Okay, what all do they tech you like. What have you learned so far"

"Ahraa... you didn't realize still, did you?... the antsiness you were sensing on your skin and body, last week and you missed out a date with Mouri-san."

He thought for a while and furiously uttered "What the... those all were your doings. Huh!... "

She replied smirking "Bingo!"

He snapped "Why?... do you know how hard it was me to cancel the date and how Ran felt. Like she was dejected. She cried for the whole night and it took several days for her to recover"

She phonemically started her wise speech "Well, you can't sustain more transformations, your body was developing severe antibodies against the temporary doses. And since you were irritating me a lot, precisely begging for the dosages." She shrug's poorly and continued "I had no better option left, apart from making yourself to decline the so called date and stop annoying me, at any rate. Besides I am sure that miss damsel in distress 'Mouri-san' wants you alive, than missing on a simple date. But if you want to fight and accuse me for developing the poison, you are more than welcomed". She stated these lines expressionlessly.

He felt guilty on his snappy outburst on her. He couldn't decline the urge of hugging her at the moment.

And he thanked her for thinking about him, as well as apologized to her. She just looked at him and accepted his apology.

Then to cheer her up he muttered "Hm..um.. well since you don't wear much of a make up, I like it: _when so simplicity is in your appearance, then how beautiful will be the heart would b_e."

She heard him and flushed. "Ahraa... you are becoming quiet a poet yourself Edogawa-kun!. And if you really mean what you quoted then".

He kept his eyes fixed on her, she murmured timidly this time "Eh...you make me blush"

He added mischievously."Just Kidding!". He slowly started to move away from her.  
She hissed. Annoyed. "Kudo! you are so dead!". She chased after him.

Co - Ai sms of the day/chapter.

Conan: Haibara, please make another poem on me will you? And yeah a sweet one.

Haibara: Nani!, have you gone nuts, I make sweet ones only for animals, *shrugs* guess you are the exception, my lab rat!.

Conan: Oi oi, okay go ahead!.

Haibara: A sweet poem especially for you:

Eat bread with butter.

Cut pencil with cutter.

Eat bread with butter.

Cut pencil with cutter.

When you'll forget me,

You will definitely fall in gutter...

Conan: Saa!

Haibara: *chuckles*


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Conan was upset, as Ran got a new boyfriend,

Haibara gave her advice. "When ever you have any problem, Just sing any song then you will realize that your voice is... A lot more worse than your problem...!"

Conan sweat-dropped. "Saa!"

Shiho's letter to Yukiko, after her marriage.

Dear Mother-in-Law,

Please don't try to tell me how to raise my kids—I'm married to one of yours and believe me there's room for improvement!

Sincerely,  
Your Daughter-in-Law

A well-stacked young 'Vermouth', a secretary who wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked needless to say it was making everyone a bit awkward.

Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?"

"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.

Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."

Conan: How much calcium is there in a woman's Breasts?

Haibara: I don't know but it has enough calcium to help a Man's boneless thing standup!

Reaction of BO's boss, in times of Recession

With economies world over slipping into recession and companies facing the pressure, the boss is trying to align themselves to the changing time, trying his best to improve the productivity and get more work done...

See how the relationship between the BO's boss and the employee's changes during the recession.

In the beginning of the recession...

Boss: Be good, you will be just fine.

After a few weeks

Boss: Must Work Hard ok?

After a Month!

Boss: Must Work Hard you bugger!

After a Quarter...

Boss: Can you hear me? you must work hard!

Haibara: Edogawa-kun...Ano...what is SEX?

Conan: Sex is a sensation, caused by temptation, when a man puts his location, in a women's destination. Do you get my explanation?

Haibara: No!

Conan: do you need a demonstration?

Haibara: Sure!..

Haibara: WHAT IS A KISS?

Conan: VERY SIMPLE IT'S AN INQUIRY IN THE TOP FLOOR, ABOUT THE VACANCY IN GROUND FLOOR...

Teacher: Does p*nis deserve overtime & hazard pay?

Vermouth: Yes! because it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts.

GIN ASKED HIS WIFE: YOU NEVER TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU ENJOY SEX.

VERMOUTH-HOW CAN I TELL YOU, YOU ARE NEVER AT HOME WHEN I ENJOY IT.

Conan saw an air hostess wearing a badge on the left side of her chest bearing the name Shiho...  
He said, That's cute... What have you named the other one?

Conan: What's The Difference Between Man And Woman..?

Haibara: Man Has PEN Without CAP... & Woman Has PURSE Without ZIP...!

Conan:-Two times two is four, Four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours but you cant put yours in mine.

Haibara:-Two times two is four, Four plus five is nine. I know the length of urs but you will never know the depth of mine.

Conan: Hey, can I touch your software?

Haibara: No way!, first show me your hardware?

Conan: (After showing) should I install it in your system?

Haibara: (reveals a latex) Okay but cover it with anti-virus, then install it.

Conan Pulls His Nicker & Asks Haibara "Do you Have this? "

Haibara Lifts Her Skirt & Says "If you Have This!, then you Can Get Plenty, Of those!"

Conan: Why was Vermouth writing the exam near the door?  
Haibara: Because it was an entrance exam.

Conan: Why was Vermouth confused whilst going 2 the ladies toilet?  
Haibara: She had to pull her own pants down!

Conan: How do you break Vermouth's nose?  
Haibara: Place a dildo under a glass table!

Conan: How do you tell Vermouth did your landscaping?  
Haibara: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Conan: What is it called, when Sonoko blows in Ran's ear?  
Haibara: High Speed Data Transfer.

Conan and Haibara were following Vermouth in a Shopping Mall.

Conan suspected "Why did Vermouth return her new scarf?"  
Haibara answered "It was too tight."

Conan: What are the worst 3 years of a Vermouth's academic life?  
Haibara: The 1st grade.

Conan: Why couldn't Vermouth pass her drivers test?  
Haibara: Every time the car stopped she jumped in the backseat.

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a shower?  
Haibara: The shower has to be turned on before it gets wet.

Conan: Did you hear about Vermouth, she got an AM radio?  
Haibara: Yeah!, It took her months to figure out, she could use it at night!

Teacher: we should try 2 stop mosquitoes overgrowing population.

Vermouth: Its impossible!

Teacher: Why?

Vermouth: Because small condoms are very difficult to make!

Shinichi was doing push ups on the beach,

Shiho sees him and starts laughing loudly and says.. "Sorry to tell you but the women below you has already left."

Conan: Neh Haibara, what do you like in me and why?

Haibara: I like your smile becoz...because, My favorite color is "YELLOW"

Conan was upset once again.

Haibara shared her wisdom "Some times small small things in life hurt a lot... If you don't agree with me . . . . . . . . . . TRY TO SIT ON A PIN!"

Shinichi(Husband) and Shiho(wife) were involved in an argument both of them unwilling to admit that they might be wrong.

"I'll admit, I was wrong", the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt at straightening things out, "If you'll admit that, I'm right!"

He agreed and like gentlemen do, he let her go first.

"I'm wrong", she said.

With a twinkle in his eyes he said, "Yeah!, You're right!"

Shiho(on the phone): Where the hell are you, jerk?

Shinichi: Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw that necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and I told you, "Baby, it'll be yours one day!"

Shiho: Suddenly in a soft polite voice "Yeah, yeah, I remember, my love!"

Shinichi: I am at the bar just next to that shop!

Shiho: Go to hell, you jerk!

Co - Ai sms of the day/chapter.

Haibara: One of the Intelligent Monkey is Missing from Zoo.!

Its name is..

is..

is..

is..

is.

is..

is!

Don't worry

It is not you,

be Cos It is intelligent..!

Conan: Then its you!

Haibara: Arrggh!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3  
**

Conan: I Love you !  
Haibara: Ha Ha !

Conan: I will die for you !  
Haibara: Ha Ha ha!

Conan: I will buy a diamond ring for you  
Haibara: Aww.. really! Promise?

.

.  
Conan: HaHa Hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha.

Shinichi to Yusaku: Dad!, My girlfriend 'Ran' has left me & she sent me "private pictures" with herself and her new boyfriend... what should I do?

.

.

Yusaku:(thoughtfully) Sent them all to her father!

Conan: What do you think, how do I play Violin?  
Haibara: I wish you were on T.V.!  
Conan: I am so happy to hear that, Am I that Good?  
Haibara: Ummm... Not really; if you were on T.V. I can at least switch it off.

Genta: (indignantly) I do not think I deserved zero on this test!

.

.

.

Kobayashi: I agree, but that is the lowest mark I could give you!

Driver- That 5/Rupee Tip you Gave Me Was An Insult

Shiho- How Much Should I Tip you

Driver- Minimum 10/Rupee

Shiho- I Don't Want To Insult you Twice!

Shiho: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a condom?

Vermouth: Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!

Shiho: Why are Boyfriends like parking spaces?

Vermouth: The good ones are already taken!

Shiho: What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?

Vermouth: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked.

Haibara to her boyfriend: Wanna see a magic trick?

Conan: Sure, babe.

Haibara: BAM! You're single.

Shiho: What does a penis and a boyfriend have in common?

Vermouth: All men have one!

Shiho. How can you tell if your boyfriend is happy?

Vermouth. Who cares?

Shiho: When would you want a man's company?

Vermouth. When he owns it!

Shiho: How do you get your boyfriend to do sit-ups?

Vermouth: Put the remote control between his toes.

Shiho: What book do women like the most?

Vermouth: "Their boyfriends paycheck!"

Shiho: Why do only 10 percent of boyfriends make it to heaven?

Vermouth: Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

Shiho: How can you tell when your boyfriend is well hung?

Vermouth: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Vermouth: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for boyfriends?

Sherry: It changes their DNA.

Shiho: Why are boyfriends like cars?

Vermouth: Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

Shiho: How many ex-boyfriends does it take to tile a bathroom?

Vermouth: Two – if you slice them very thinly.

Shiho: How do boyfriends exercise on the beach?

Vermouth: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Shiho: What do a good employee and a boyfriend have in common?

Vermouth: They're always coming early.

Shiho: What does a boyfriend and mascara have in common?

Vermouth: They both run at the first sign of emotion.

Shiho: What is the difference between a sofa and a boyfriend watching Monday Night Football?

Vermouth: The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

Shiho: What's a boyfriends definition of a romantic evening?

Vermouth: Sex.

Shiho: What do you call a boyfriend who Masturbates more than twice a day?

Vermouth: A Terror-wrist.

Shiho: How does a boyfriend show he's planning for the future?

Vermouth: He buys an extra case of beer.

Shiho: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis?

Vermouth: A Boyfriend.

Shiho: What is a major turnoff?

Vermouth: When your boyfriend talks about his ex.

Shiho: Why does your boyfriend have a hole in their penis?

Vermouth: So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.

Shiho: What's a boyfriends idea of honesty in a relationship?

Vermouth: Telling you his real name.

Shiho: Explain Boyfriend, and its attributes.

Vermouth: A boyfriend suppose to make yo panties WET not yo Eyes.

A Good Boyfriend: Knows you, trusts you, loves you, respects you, honors you, supports you, wants you, and appreciates you. And he doesn't exist.

A jealous boyfriend is a faithful boyfriend. If he doesn't get jealous when someone has your attention, it's because someone has his.

Kissing your boyfriend on the cheek(good).

Kissing your boyfriend in the mouth (awesome).

Kissing your boyfriend in front of his ex (boss).

Boyfriends are like blue jeans. They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced..

My boyfriend is like my I Phone. I don't have one.

A butcher 'Gin!' goes on a first date and says 'It was nice MEATING you!'

Conan:(trying to propose) Haibara, you've ever wished for a boyfriend?  
Haibara: Every time I have to carry my groceries up the stairs, I wish I had a boyfriend.  
Conan: Oi oi.

Conan: Do you want a kiss?  
Haibara: No!.  
Conan: Do you remember what I just said?  
Haibara: Do you want a kiss?  
Conan: Yes, if you insist...  
Haibara(smirks): That pretty smart chivalry off yours, guess I've no other option!.  
Conan (furiously blushing): Are you serious?  
Haibara(Shrugs): Just kidding!.

Conan: Dear, do you know that exams are like girlfriend?  
Haibara: How funny?  
Conan: Yes, they are tough to understand, complicated, lots of questions and the result is always doubtful..

Haibara:(annoyed) If you were my husband, I would poison your drink  
Conan: If you were my wife, I would drink it!

Conan: Life's a bitch, just like you.  
Haibara: Actually life is short, just like your dick.  
Conan: Murders are Pathetic, Just as your attitude that is soo sick.  
Haibara: Ahraa, Look who speaks, A Corpse Magnet who happens to be a detective geek!, *Shrugs* or An Idiotic Sherlock Holmes freak.

Conan: Amazing world, only 25% boys have common sense, very short figure!  
Haibara: What about Rest?  
Conan: Well rest have GIRLFRIENDS!

Haibara: I want to end up our relationship, I am going to return you everything you gave me..  
Conan: What a joke? Okay then, let's start with Kisses!"

Conan: "Hey babe, you smell that?"  
Haibara: "No."  
Conan: "Me neither, start cooking."

Conan: "Oh my god it smells like up sexy in here"  
Haibara: "Whats up sexy?"  
Conan: "Oh nothing much, you?"

Conan: I Have 2 words to tell you.  
Haibara: What?  
Conan: I love you.  
Haibara: Isn't that 3?  
Conan: No. because"You"& "I" count as 1.  
Haibara: Asshole...*Rolls eyes*  
Conan: Haha. I've been called worse before.  
Haibara: Ha, like what? *Raises eyebrows*  
Conan: Your boyfriend!.

Eri: Do you have a boyfriend?  
Ran: Yes.  
Eri: Oh my gosh, I wanna meet him!  
Ran: Buy me backstage passes to his concert and we both will.

Shinichi discussing a story with Shiho.

I got a phone call from a _gorgeous_ ex-girlfriend of mine 'Ran', the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!

"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled.

Shiho murmured "Hmm, so what happened anyway?"

Shinichi blurted "So what?, I told her to _fuck off_".

Conan and Shinichi

Shinichi and Conan are both buying anniversary gifts for their girlfriends.

"What are you getting your girlfriend?" asks Conan.

And Shinichi says "I'm getting her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."

"Why both?" asks Conan.

And Shinichi says"That way if she doesn't like the ring she can still enjoy the Mercedes when she returns the ring."

And then Shinichi asks Conan "What are you getting your girlfriend?"

And Conan says"I'm buying her a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."

Moral of the incident: Conan is always smarter than Shinichi.

Shinichi comes home with a bokay of flowers for his girlfriend 'Shiho', she says "I guess, I'll have to spread my legs now."

And Shinichi asks. "Why, don't you have a vase?"

Moral of the story: Shinichi is very dumb!. To fuck anybody.

Sherry: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?

Vermouth(Shrugs): My job still sucks!

Conan: Whats long and hard and has cum in it?  
Haibara: A cucumber!

Conan had an erection, a hard on. Seeing him troubled Haibara speaks up  
Haibara: "Hey, what's up?"  
Conan: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"

Shinichi was curious to know as to what Shiho had saved his name in her phone contacts, he guessed it would probably, A Knight, Sherlock, Detective Geek, Mystery freak, Lab Rat, Corpse Magnet, Love, Hubby, Genius, and any more adorable things to imagine.

After scanning, He stood speechless and frustrated as he read 'A T M'.

Conan: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."  
Haibara: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."

During sex.  
Shinichi: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?  
Shiho: Because their plugged into a genius!

Conan: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck?  
Haibara: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them.

Conan: How is a woman like a road?  
Haibara: Both have manholes.

Conan: Whats long hard and full of seamen?  
Haibara: A submarine.

Shinichi: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff?  
Shiho: A Crane!

Mitsuhiko: Why doesn't Conan eat bananas?  
Haibara: He can't find the zipper!

Shinichi: Three words to ruin a man's ego...?  
Shiho: "Is it in?"

Conan: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?  
Haibara: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

Shiho: Why did God give men penises?  
Shinichi: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Conan: What kind of bees produce milk?  
Haibara: Boobies.

Shinichi: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?  
Hatorri: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

Conan: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?  
Haibara: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

Co - Ai sms of the day/chapter.

Haibara: Hey Edogawa-kun make a poetry on me, will you? Say anything with flowers / roses.

Conan: Roses are red; Violets are blue

Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo.

Don't feel so angry you will find me there too

Not in cage but outside, laughing at you.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Haibara: Why do Mouri-san and Yoshida-san look beautiful? is it real or due to make up?  
Conan: All false.  
They look beautiful because

.

.  
I have good IMAGINATION.

Conan: Why did Vermouth tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Haibara: Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. Vermouth runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

Vermouth asked her friend,"Why does my brother have two sisters and I only have one?"

Conan: What did one Vermouth, say to the other Vermouth, while entering a bar?  
Haibara: Well Vermouth, Bottoms-Up.

Conan: Did you hear what happened to Vermouth's ice hockey team?  
Haibara: They drowned in spring training.

Shiho and Vermouth are walking in the park when Shiho says, "Aw, look at the dead birdie." Vermouth looks up and says, "Where?"

Sherry starts giving a seminar on Oxygen need fulness to life. "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773."

Vermouth, all of a sudden responds,"Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

Vermouth is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When Vermouth returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

The doctor exclaims,"That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?"

Vermouth nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!" -

Vermouth sees a thermos in a store. She asks a clerk,"What is that and what's it for?" The clerk answers,"It's a thermos that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Vermouth says, "I'll take it." When she gets to work, her boss asks, "What is that?" Vermouth worker says,"It's a thermos. It keeps cold things cold and hot things hot." "Whatcha got in it?" "A cup of coffee and a Popsicle."

There are three girls who are on a road trip. As they are driving through the desert, their car breaks down. They have no phone to call anyone, so they decide to walk to the nearest city, several miles away. They each decide to take one thing to make the journey better. The first girl 'Kir' takes the radio and says, "If we get bored, we can put the radio on and listen to music." The second girl 'Sherry' decides to take a wheel, "In case one of us gets really tired, we can go inside the wheel and be rolled." The third girl 'Vermouth' takes the car door, "In case it gets too hot, we can roll down the window!"

Conan: How does Vermouth clean up the workplace?  
Haibara: She wipes her mouth.

Vermouth walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes.

"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well, they feel a bit tight," replies Vermouth.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and Vermouth's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk.

"Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," Vermouth replies.

Conan: How many Vermouth's does it take to screw in a light bulb?  
Haibara: Too many to count.

Conan: What do you give Vermouth, who has everything?  
Haibara: Penicillin!.

Vermouth tells her friend Chianti, "I slept with a Brazilian!..."  
Chianti replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

Conan: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?  
Haibara: Last year's hide-and-go-seek winner.

Conan: What do you call a basement full of Vermouth's?  
Haibara: A whine cellar.

Conan: How would I you know if Vermouth likes me?  
Haibara: She screws you two nights in a row.

Conan: What does Vermouth say if you blow in her ear?  
Haibara: "Thanks for the refill!"

Conan: What do Vermouth do after she comb her hair?  
Haibara: She pull up her pants.

Conan: How do you get Vermouth on the roof?

Haibara: Tell her drinks are on the house.

Conan: Why do Vermouth wear underwear?  
Haibara: To keep her ankles warm.

Conan: What can strike Vermouth without her even knowing it?  
Haibara: A thought.

Conan: Why don't Vermouth get coffee breaks?  
Haibara: It takes too long to re-train her.

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and Gin?  
Haibara: Vermouth has the higher sperm count.

Conan: Why was Vermouth confused after giving birth to twins?  
Haibara: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

Conan: Why does Vermouth wear green lipstick?  
Haibara: Because red means Stop.

Conan: Did you hear about Vermouth with a PhD in Psychology?  
Haibara: She'll blow your mind, too.

Conan: Why did Vermouth tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?  
Haibara: She wanted a lot of male in her box.

Conan: What is Vermouth's favorite color?  
Haibara: Glitter.

Conan: What is the difference between Vermouth and traffic signs?  
Haibara: Some traffic signs say stop.

Conan: Did you hear about the new Vermouth's paint?  
Haibara: It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

Conan: Why do Vermouth wash her hair in the sink?  
Haibara: Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.

Conan: Why do men like Vermouth's jokes?  
Haibara: Because they can understand her.

Shiho: Why is Vermouth so easy to get into bed?  
Shinichi: Who cares?  
Shiho: *slaps*

Conan: Why did Vermouth scale the chain-link fence?  
Haibara: To see what was on the other side.

Conan: How do you make Vermouth laugh on Saturday?  
Haibara: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Conan: Why did Vermouth stare at frozen orange juice?  
Haibara: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Conan: What do ' Smart Vermouth's ' and UFO's have in common?  
Haibara: You always hear about her but you never see her.

Conan: Why does it take longer to build Vermouth snowman as opposed to a regular one?  
Haibara: You have to hollow out the head.

Conan: How do you get a twinkle in Vermouth's eye?  
Haibara: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Conan: Did you hear about the two Vermouth's that were found frozen to death in her car at a drive-in movie theater?  
Haibara: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Conan: Why can't Vermouth be pharmacists?  
Haibara: She keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Conan: How can you tell if Vermouth is being unfaithful?  
Haibara: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin.

Conan: Why did Vermouth jump off the cliff?  
Haibara: She thought her maxi pad had wings.

Conan: Why did god give Vermouth 2 more brain cells than he gave cows?  
Haibara: So she wouldn't shit all over when you play with her, tits.

Conan: What is the difference between a 747 jumbo jet and Vermouth?  
Haibara: Not everyone has been in a 747.

Conan: Why did Vermouth have rectangular tits?  
Haibara: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box!.

Conan: Why is Vermouth like pianos?  
Haibara: When she isn't upright, she's grand.

Conan: How do you get Vermouth pregnant?  
Haibara: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Conan: Why can't Vermouth count to 70?  
Haibara: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Conan: Why don't Vermouth like anal sex?  
Haibara: She don't like her brains being screwed with.

Conan: How do you get Vermouth off of her knees?  
Haibara: Come.

Conan: How does Vermouth kill a fish?  
Haibara: By drowning it.

Conan: Vermouth is going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?  
Haibara: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Conan: How do you know Vermouth has just lost her virginity?  
Haibara: Her crayons are still sticky.

Conan: How does Vermouth moonwalk?  
Haibara: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Conan: Why can't Vermouth water-ski?  
Haibara: When she get her crotch wet, she think she has to lay down.

Conan: What happens when you give 61 dollars to Vermouth?  
Haibara: She wants 8 (ate) more.

Conan: What does Vermouth and a turtle have in common?  
Haibara: If either one of her end up on there back they are both f*cked.

Conan: What's the difference between a chorus line of Vermouth and a magician?  
Haibara: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and the Panama Canal?  
Haibara: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

Conan: What is a Vermouth blood type?  
Haibara: Pink glitter.

Conan: What do you call Vermouth with pigtails?  
Haibara: A blow job with handlebars

Conan: Why did Vermouth shoot the clock?  
Haibara: To Kill time

Conan: Why don't Vermouth in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?  
Haibara: Cause her balls show!

Conan: How do you measure Vermouth's intelligence?  
Haibara: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Conan: How do you keep Vermouth busy all day?  
Haibara: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Conan: How did Vermouth die ice fishing?  
Haibara: She was run over by the Zamboni's machine.

Conan: How do I get Vermouth to marry me?  
Haibara: Tell her she's pregnant.

Conan: What does Vermouth ask the doctor, in the maternity ward?  
Haibara: "Is it mine?"

Conan: How does Vermouth moonwalk?  
Haibara: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Conan: What is the difference between a 'Smart Vermouth' and Gin?  
Haibara: Gin has been spotted.

Conan: Why is a washing machine better than Vermouth?  
Haibara: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

Shiho: What do you say to Vermouth with no arms and no legs?  
Shinichi: "Nice tits!"  
Shiho: *slaps*

Conan: What does Vermouth make best for dinner?  
Haibara: Reservations.

Conan: What do Vermouth do with her arse holes in the morning?  
Haibara: Pack her lunch and send her to work.

Conan: What do Vermouth and cow-pats have in common?  
Haibara: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Conan: What does Vermouth say when you ask her if her blinker is on?  
Haibara: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Conan: What all does Vermouth and a 747 have in common?  
Haibara: They both have a black box.  
Haibara: Both have a cockpit.

Conan: What do you get when you offer Vermouth a penny for her thoughts?  
Haibara: Change.

Conan: What do you call five Vermouth at the bottom of the pool?  
Haibara: Air bubbles.

Conan: What do you call a room full of Vermouth, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?  
Haibara: A whine and cheese party!.

Shiho: What do you call Vermouth lesbian?  
Shinichi: A waste.

Conan: What do you call 4 Vermouth lying on the ground?  
Haibara: An air mattress.

Conan: What do you call a dumb Vermouth behind a steering wheel?  
Haibara: An Air Bag.

Conan: What do you call Vermouth between Kir and Sherry?  
Haibara: A mental block.

Conan: What do you call 10 Vermouth standing ear to ear?  
Haibara: A wind tunnel.

Conan: What do you call 15 Vermouth in a circle?  
Haibara: A dope ring.

Conan: What do you call an unmarried Vermouth in a BMW?  
Haibara: Divorcee'

Conan: What do you call Vermouth with 2 brain cells?  
Haibara: Pregnant.

Conan: What do you call Vermouth in an institution of higher learning?  
Haibara: A visitor.

*******************  
Conan: What do you call Vermouth with half a brain?  
Haibara: Gifted!

Conan: What do you call Vermouth with a dollar on the top of her head?  
Haibara: All you can eat, under a buck.

Conan: Why did god give Vermouth 2% more brains than horses?  
Haibara: Because he didn't want her shitting in the streets during parades.

Conan: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?  
Haibara: Wave to her.

Conan: How does Vermouth turn on the light after she has had sex?  
Haibara: She opens the car door.

Conan: How does Vermouth get pregnant?  
Haibara: And I thought Vermouth was dumb!

Conan: How does Vermouth part her hair?  
Haibara: (Action of scissoring legs apart)  
Haibara: By doing the splits.

Conan: How do you tell when Vermouth reaches orgasm?  
Haibara: She drops her nail-file!  
Haibara: Who cares?  
Haibara: She says, "Next".  
Haibara: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.  
Haibara: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.  
Haibara: I mean, who really cares?  
Haibara: The batteries have run out.

Conan: How do you make Vermouth's eyes light up?  
Haibara: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Conan: Why do Vermouth wear shoulder pads?  
Haibara: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Conan: How does Vermouth prefer her eggs?  
Haibara: Unfertilized!.

Conan: How do you drown Vermouth!  
Haibara: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.  
Haibara: Don't tell her to swallow.  
Haibara: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Conan: How does Vermouth give a high-five?  
Haibara: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Conan: How do you describe Vermouth, surrounded by drooling idiots?  
Haibara: Flattered.

Conan: What do you call Vermouth with ESP and PMS?  
Haibara: A know-it-all bitch.

Conan: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny Vermouth?  
Haibara: One's a phony buck.

Conan: Who is the best secretary in the world, for Anokata?  
Haibara: Vermouth, she never misses a period.

Conan: What does Vermouth think an innuendo is?  
Haibara: An Italian suppository.

Conan: What is every Vermouth's ambition in life?  
Haibara: To be like Wanna White and learn the alphabet.

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a brick?  
Haibara: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

Conan: What is foreplay for Vermouth?  
Haibara: Thirty minutes of begging.

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a broom closet?  
Haibara: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a phone booth?  
Haibara: You need a quarter to use the phone.  
Haibara: Only one person can use the phone at once.

Conan: What does the Bermuda Triangle and Vermouth have in common?  
Haibara: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Conan: What did Vermouth say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?  
Haibara: "It's OK Gin, I'm not hurt."

Conan: How does Vermouth commit suicide?  
Haibara: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Conan: How do you plant dope?  
Haibara: Bury Vermouth.

Conan: How do you kill Vermouth?  
Haibara: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.

Conan: How do Vermouth pierce her ears?  
Haibara: She put tacks in her shoulder pads.

Conan: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary like Vermouth?  
Haibara: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Conan: Why is Vermouth hurt by peoples words?  
Haibara: Because people keep hitting their with dictionaries.

*******************  
Conan: What did Vermouth do when she got her period?  
Haibara: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Conan: Why is Vermouth like cornflakes?  
Haibara: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Conan: Why can't Vermouth change light bulbs?  
Haibara: She keep breaking her with the hammers.

Conan: Why can't Vermouth make ice cubes?  
Haibara: She always forget the recipe.

Conan: Did you hear about Vermouth coyote?  
Haibara: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Conan: When is it legal to shoot Vermouth in the head?  
Haibara: When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it!

Conan: What did Vermouth say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?  
Haibara: "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong!"

Jodie: Vermouth, Kir, and Sherry are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest?  
Akai: Vermouth, because she is the only one that's 18.

Vermouth told her girlfriend 'Chianti', "I was so worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. And I was so relieved when he told me that all I needed was blinker fluid!"

Vermouth walked into the dentist office and sat down in the chair.  
The dentist said "Open Wide"  
"I can't" Vermouth said."This chair has arms"

Vermouth a girl was talking to her redhead friend Sherry about her boyfriend's dandruff problem.  
The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?"  
Vermouth replies, "Ahraa, How do you give shoulders?"

Vermouth's One Liners

If pink and glitter were vitamins, Vermouth would be the healthiest people alive.

Vermouth: I'm not dumb, I just have a lot of blonde moments.

You know what's hotter than Vermouth? ABSOLUTELY nothing.

We all have one ginger friend that claims to be "strawberry blonde"

Every Vermouth needs a Sherry as her best friend

Anything you can do, Vermouth can do better

The princess emoji may be a Vermouth, but the wife emoji is a Sherry.

There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are Vermouth, and one is a Shiho. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally Shiho delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The Vermouth's, all moved by Shiho's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

Vermouth, Kir, and Sherry, all work at the same office for a female boss 'Chianti' who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says Sherry, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. Sherry gets some extra gardening done, Kir goes to a bar, and Vermouth goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says Sherry. "Yeah, We should do it again sometime." says Kir. "No way," says Vermouth. "I almost got caught!"

Vermouth is in a car and a Driver is driving it on a hilly road. At the top of a very high steep hill, they start going down it very fast. The driver screams, "Oh no! The brakes don't work!" Vermouth in the passenger seat says, "Don't worry. There's a stop sign ahead."

Conan: Why did Vermouth get fired from the m&m factory?  
Haibara: She was throwing away all the "w"s!

Conan: Why did Vermouth get excited after finishing the jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months.  
Haibara: Because the box said from 3 to 5 years .

Vermouth: "What does IDK stand for?"  
Sherry: "I don't know."  
Vermouth: "OMG, nobody does!"

Vermouth and Chianti fell down a hole. Chianti said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"  
Vermouth replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

Conan: Why did Vermouth have sex with a Mexican?  
Haibara: Her teacher told her, she had to do an Essay.

Vermouth, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handy woman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" Asked the Owner 'Kudo Shinichi'. Vermouth said,"How about 50 dollars?". Shinichi agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. Shinichi's wife, Shiho, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?". Shinichi replied,"She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, Vermouth came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," Vermouth answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, Shinichi reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," Vermouth added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

There were three women. A Red headed 'Sherry', a brunette 'Kir', and a blonde 'Vermouth'. They were talking, then they started talking about sex. The Red headed one said I'm gonna have 3 baby's. The brunette said she was gonna have twins. And Vermouth started crying and the other two women asked her what was wrong. And Vermouth said she was gonna have baby dogs because she had sex doggy style!

Vermouth gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. Vermouth replies,"I'm on the corner of 'Walk'and 'Do Not Walk.' "

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"

Once Vermouth was driving in the country side when she went around the corner and saw an ocean of wheat fields. Then she saw Sherry in a row boat frantically paddling. Vermouth driver yelled out,"Hey! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name and if I knew how to swim, I'd swim out there and kick your ass!"

"May I take your order?" Vermouth 'a waitress' asked."Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" asked Shinichi "Nothing special sir," she replied,"we just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

Vermouth a blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, Vermouth goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. Vermouth asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I'm a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"

Once upon a time Vermouth was swimming in the river. Shinichi went up to her and asked, "Why are you doing this? Vermouth said, "I'm washing my clothes. Is there a problem?" Shinichi said, "Why don't you try a washing machine?". Vermouth replied, "I feel dizzy in the washing machine!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Conan: (annoyed) Haibarrrra!... you are such a pain in my butt!.  
Haibara: *chuckles*  
Conan(hisses): Fuck you, idiot!.(rudely)  
Haibara(furious): Fuck you too, Metantei!.  
Conan(smirks): Promise?  
Haibara(blushes): *Blinks*

Yusaku: Do you have a trouble making decisions?  
Shinichi: well, yes and no!

Shinichi: Mom, yesterday when I was on bus with dad, dad told me to give up my  
seat to a lady.  
Yukiko: Good, you have done right thing.  
Shinichi: but Mom I was sitting on dad's lap.

Yusaku to Shinichi: Whenever I beat you, you don't get annoyed, how you control your anger?  
Shinichi: I start cleaning the toilet seat with your toothbrush

Shinichi asked to Yusaku: Dad!, Why was the math book sad?  
Yusaku: Because it had too many problems.

Once in a bar, one guy said to another..  
"I slept with your mom last night."  
after that whole bar was waiting another guy's response.

After a while... the other guy 'Shinichi' laughs and says: Let's go home, Father, you are drunk...

Once there were three Ladies. Shiho, Ran & Sonoko  
Shiho -My husband's hair color is Black, So I will wear Black Dress for tomorrow Party.  
Ran :- My husband's hair color is red, So I will wear red Dress for tomorrow Party.  
Sonoko questioned: My Husband is bald, So what should I ?!

The boss 'Shinichi' returned after lunch in a cool mood and he called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes, which he had picked up.

Everybody, but one girl 'Shiho' laughed uproariously.

He asked 'What's the matter?' grumbled the boss. 'Haven't you got a sense of humor?

She replied-'I don't have to laugh,' Because 'I'm leaving this Friday.

Haibara: Kudo-kun what are the three dreams of a man:  
Conan: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects...

Ran: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that''s vanity?  
Shiho: No, it''s imagination.'

Kobayashi: Could you please pay a little attention here?  
Conan: yes mam, I am paying as little attention as I can. !

Kobayashi: What are some products of the West Indies?  
Conan: *Shrugs* I don't know.  
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?  
Mitsuhiko: From the grocery!  
Ayumi: or the departmental stores.  
Haibara: We import it from West Indies, Mexico, Cuba.  
Teacher: *smiles*, Whole class: Whoa!...  
Genta(correcting his nose): Sokka, but we borrow it from our neighbor...

An English teacher 'Jodie Sensei 'wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed her students to punctuate it correctly.

Shinichi wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." Showing this he smirked looking at Shiho. And he snatched her note.

Shiho: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing." This made Shinichi's jaw hit the floor.

Yusaku buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie! He decided to test it at dinner with his son...

Yusaku: Son, where were you today during school hrs  
Shinichi: at school  
(The robot slaps Shinichi)  
Shinichi: okay, I went to the movies!  
Yusaku: which one?  
Shinichi: Mission Impossible...  
(The robot slaps Shinichi)  
Shinichi: okay, I was watching porn!  
Yusaku: what? When I was your age I didn't know even what porn was?  
(The robot slaps Yusaku)  
Yukiko: haahaha:- After all he is your son!  
THE ROBOT SLAPS Yukiko...

Shiho: Look at that Drunker!  
Shinichi: Who is he?  
Shiho: 10 years back he proposed me & I Rejected.  
Shinichi: Oh My God, He is still Celebrating . Wow!

Kobayashi**(on phone):** You say Genta has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?  
Genta**:** This is my father.

**Yusaku****:** Let me see your report card.  
Shinichi**:** I don't have it.  
Yusaku**:** Why not?  
Shinichi**:** My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

"Dad, are bugs good to eat?" asked the Shinichi .

"Let's not talk about such things at the dinner table, son," Yusaku replied.

After dinner Yusaku inquired, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?"

"Oh, nothing," Shinichi said. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."

Conan was at the zoo with Yusaku. They were looking at the tigers, and Yusaku was telling him how ferocious they were.

"Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…"

"Yes, son?" the father asked, ready to console him.

" …Which bus would I take home?"

**Kobayashi:**When is the boiling point reached?  
Genta**:** When my father sees my report card!

**Shinichi:** What does your father do for a living?  
Kaito**:** He's a magician. He performs tricks, like disappearing and never appearing.

Four men, Araide, Hattori, Kaito, Shinichi are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.

A nurse goes up to Araide and says, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins."

"That's odd," answers Araide . "My clinic's name is twin-kle star"

A nurse says to Hattori, "Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!"

"That's weird," answers the second man. "My detective agency is named 'Triangle' "

A nurse tells Kaito, "Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets!"

"That's strange," he answers. "My magic institute is named four-dimensional"

Then Shinichi is found, groaning and banging his head against the wall. Groaning 'Shiho... Shiho' , "What's wrong?" the others ask.

"My Organization's name is Million Solutions!"

**Shinichi:**For $20, I'll be good.  
Yusaku**:** Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

**Yusaku: **How do you like fourth grade?  
**Shinichi:** It isn't much fun.  
**Yusaku:**That's too bad. It was the best three years of my life!

**Shinichi:** Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?  
Yusaku**:** No.  
Shinichi**:** Then it's a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!

**Mitsuhiko:**I have a lot of my dad's genes.  
Genta**:** Really? I bet they don't fit.

Yusaku sobbing at inflation : See my son, when I was 15 Years old, I used to get Monthly Commodities, Milk, Vegetables and fruits all for Rupees 10.

Conan: But daddy, Now you cannot get all those things, because now there are CC cameras fitted in the shop.

Kugoro asked his 8 year old Daughter Ran, "Baby what will you do after growing up?'  
Ran replies, "Daddy I will Marry"  
Kugoro replies, "No my Daughter, that's wrong, You should not think some one's Bad! at this age."

Conan: Daddy, When did you go to EGYPT?  
Yusaku: No I have not gone to EGYPT, but why are you asking like that?  
Conan: Then from where did you brought the MUMMY

Yusaku: What is your exam's results?  
Conan: Under water  
Yusaku: What do you mean?  
Conan: All below 'C' level

Yusaku:** You Idiot, See that neighbor's Girl 'Haibara Ai' she got 95% marks and you have failed. That neighbor's girl….**  
Conan**: Why are you repeating Neighbor's girl several times, By seeing that ****'****Girl****'**** Only I have failed in my EXAMS**

Yusaku: See my boy, there is nothing in this world which is Impossible.  
Shinichi: Oh I see, Then I will pour a glass of milk on the floor, put complete milk back in to the glass.

Kugoro was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, Eri asked what he was doing and he answered – waiting for autumn. SLAP!

One day there was this naked Conan and elephant, the elephant looks at the naked Conan for a few seconds, then the elephant ask the naked Conan, "HOW CAN YOU BREATH THROUGH THAT LITTLE THING?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 1**

Co Ai lovely moments.

It was a bright day, the detective boys were at the park, all were busy discussing about their weekends.

But Conan and Ai passed the game while they suited themselves on the park bench.

Conan recalled a bruit he heard of about Haibara and wanted to confirm the same.

He quoted "Haibara... I heard that you are good at making poetry"

She answered him flatly "What is your source of info Kudo-kun, Besides I am impressed to know, since when did you started to think about me, huh"

He muttered "Oi oi, leave that background interrogation aside, just say aren't you good at scripting Poetry's?, I heard from your fan boys, about you writing sweet poems on animals and nature"

She was surprised at his saying, but she rolled her eyes comically when he made a comment on fan Boys.

He smirked and added "Although, I couldn't believe your poems would be sweet, considering your stone cold and robotic composure, but I would love to confirm if you are a poet"

She was taken aback by his statement, but she answered in irony "Ahraa... may be... but what about it? Don't tell me you wanna hear one form me?"

He smiled and childishly requested "Well, can you make on upon me"

She showed a puzzled-surprised look "Nani!, you want me to make a poetry on you?"

He blushed and nodded.

She sighed. "You better be sure what you ask for Edogawa-kun!, I shall rather make a poem on a police dog, than a death magnet like you."

He smiled in amusement at her lines. "Yeah I am sure of it!, please a short one will do!". Though he was truly frustrated as he recalled 'death magnet' in her lines.

She thought for a while and smirked.

She stared

"God made daylight and called it the SUN!

God made entertainment and called it FUN!"

"um..hmm... go ahead!". He smiled, somewhat feeling like he was touched by her poetry & tone. And smiled after understanding those cute lines. Also he had his eyes closed for the matter.

She grinned at his expression and smiled devilishly

"God made daylight and called it the SUN!

God made entertainment and called it FUN!"

"God made nightlight and called it the MOON

God made you, and it's called CARTOON"

He continued to smile absent-mindedly, then he halted all of a sudden and instantly he sweat dropped while giving an "Oi Oi" look.

While she walked away. And he followed. Gritting under his breath "Saa!..." in a big frustration and thought to fight back cleverly.

While walking with her. He found a newly finished building. An apartment decorated fully.

Both enjoyed the view and were looking at the decoration for quiet a good time.

And while doing so. He asked her. "What is the Minimum Area with Maximum Decoration...?"

After a brief silence. "Well, the roofs and windows are nicely decorated!" she answered. Thoughtfully.

He sighed but quickly recovered. He asked again "Eh... I didn't ask about the building"

"What did you asked then?". A dry question followed his statement.

"I mean in general. The hint is 'it's too small for an area but they decorate a lot on it'. I mean maximum decoration for a given area. Where do you find it."

She sighed weakly and murmured "Am not good at your detective game, and puzzles. Edogawa-kun"

He answered teasingly and smiling a victory "Tell me you give up!"

She looked at him. "Well, I give up. Now will you tell me the answer"

"Oh you are curious about it?..." He chuckled. "A Girl's Face". He answered and smirked.

"Ahraa, Unlike your Girl-friend's Mouri-san and Yoshida-san!, I don't wear much of make up". She mocked him with a snappy reaction.

He flustered and thought about it."Well, ah.. that's true, I didn't mean specifically about you. I stated generally". In addition to that he sighed in mortifiedness.

She just rolled her eyes.

He asked wondering "Ah... but what do you read in your fashion magazine. So regularly"

"I read a particular section, where in they write how to deal with a person who has his foot in his mouth, I mean a certain bothering person". She lazily commented. As though she was suppressing a tired yawn.

He flushed. "What do you mean. A 'fashion magazine' teaching such a weird stuff. Most importantly who's bothering you".

She ironically smiled & replied "Guess who?"

He thoughtfully stood for a while and squinted his eyes. "You don't mean its me right?"

She quoted "Bingo!"

He gritted "Tsk...ck" and heaved a sigh.

"Okay, what all do they tech you like. What have you learned so far"

"Ahraa... you didn't realize still, did you?... the antsiness you were sensing on your skin and body, last week and you missed out a date with Mouri-san."

He thought for a while and furiously uttered "What the... those all were your doings. Huh!... "

She replied smirking "Bingo!"

He snapped "Why?... do you know how hard it was me to cancel the date and how Ran felt. Like she was dejected. She cried for the whole night and it took several days for her to recover"

She phonemically started her wise speech "Well, you can't sustain more transformations, your body was developing severe antibodies against the temporary doses. And since you were irritating me a lot, precisely begging for the dosages." She shrug's poorly and continued "I had no better option left, apart from making yourself to decline the so called date and stop annoying me, at any rate. Besides I am sure that miss damsel in distress 'Mouri-san' wants you alive, than missing on a simple date. But if you want to fight and accuse me for developing the poison, you are more than welcomed". She stated these lines expressionlessly.

He felt guilty on his snappy outburst on her. He couldn't decline the urge of hugging her at the moment.

And he thanked her for thinking about him, as well as apologized to her. She just looked at him and accepted his apology.

Then to cheer her up he muttered "Hm..um.. well since you don't wear much of a make up, I like it: _when so simplicity is in your appearance, then how beautiful will be the heart would b_e."

She heard him and flushed. "Ahraa... you are becoming quiet a poet yourself Edogawa-kun!. And if you really mean what you quoted then".

He kept his eyes fixed on her, she murmured timidly this time "Eh...you make me blush"

He added mischievously."Just Kidding!". He slowly started to move away from her.  
She hissed. Annoyed. "Kudo! you are so dead!". She chased after him.

* * *

Co - Ai sms of the day/chapter.

Conan: Haibara, please make another poem on me will you? And yeah a sweet one.

Haibara: Nani!, have you gone nuts, I make sweet ones only for animals, *shrugs* guess you are the exception, my lab rat!.

Conan: Oi oi, okay go ahead!.

Haibara: A sweet poem especially for you:

Eat bread with butter.

Cut pencil with cutter.

Eat bread with butter.

Cut pencil with cutter.

When you'll forget me,

You will definitely fall in gutter...

Conan: Saa!

Haibara: *chuckles*

**Chapter 2**

Conan was upset, as Ran got a new boyfriend,

Haibara gave her advice. "When ever you have any problem, Just sing any song then you will realize that your voice is... A lot more worse than your problem...!"

Conan sweat-dropped. "Saa!"

* * *

Shiho's letter to Yukiko, after her marriage.

Dear Mother-in-Law,

Please don't try to tell me how to raise my kids—I'm married to one of yours and believe me there's room for improvement!

Sincerely,  
Your Daughter-in-Law

* * *

A well-stacked young 'Vermouth', a secretary who wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked needless to say it was making everyone a bit awkward.

Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?"

"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.

Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."

* * *

Conan: How much calcium is there in a woman's Breasts?

Haibara: I don't know but it has enough calcium to help a Man's boneless thing standup!

* * *

Reaction of BO's boss, in times of Recession

With economies world over slipping into recession and companies facing the pressure, the boss is trying to align themselves to the changing time, trying his best to improve the productivity and get more work done...

See how the relationship between the BO's boss and the employee's changes during the recession.

In the beginning of the recession...

Boss: Be good, you will be just fine.

After a few weeks

Boss: Must Work Hard ok?

After a Month!

Boss: Must Work Hard you bugger!

After a Quarter...

Boss: Can you hear me? you must work hard!

* * *

Haibara: Edogawa-kun...Ano...what is SEX?

Conan: Sex is a sensation, caused by temptation, when a man puts his location, in a women's destination. Do you get my explanation?

Haibara: No!

Conan: do you need a demonstration?

Haibara: Sure!..

* * *

Haibara: WHAT IS A KISS?

Conan: VERY SIMPLE IT'S AN INQUIRY IN THE TOP FLOOR, ABOUT THE VACANCY IN GROUND FLOOR...

* * *

Teacher: Does p*nis deserve overtime & hazard pay?

Vermouth: Yes! because it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts.

* * *

GIN ASKED HIS WIFE: YOU NEVER TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU ENJOY SEX.

VERMOUTH-HOW CAN I TELL YOU, YOU ARE NEVER AT HOME WHEN I ENJOY IT.

* * *

Conan saw an air hostess wearing a badge on the left side of her chest bearing the name Shiho...  
He said, That's cute... What have you named the other one?

* * *

Conan: What's The Difference Between Man And Woman..?

Haibara: Man Has PEN Without CAP... & Woman Has PURSE Without ZIP...!

* * *

Conan:-Two times two is four, Four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours but you cant put yours in mine.

Haibara:-Two times two is four, Four plus five is nine. I know the length of urs but you will never know the depth of mine.

* * *

Conan: Hey, can I touch your software?

Haibara: No way!, first show me your hardware?

Conan: (After showing) should I install it in your system?

Haibara: (reveals a latex) Okay but cover it with anti-virus, then install it.

* * *

Conan Pulls His Nicker & Asks Haibara "Do you Have this? "

Haibara Lifts Her Skirt & Says "If you Have This!, then you Can Get Plenty, Of those!"

* * *

Conan: Why was Vermouth writing the exam near the door?  
Haibara: Because it was an entrance exam.

* * *

Conan: Why was Vermouth confused whilst going 2 the ladies toilet?  
Haibara: She had to pull her own pants down!

* * *

Conan: How do you break Vermouth's nose?  
Haibara: Place a dildo under a glass table!

* * *

Conan: How do you tell Vermouth did your landscaping?  
Haibara: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

* * *

Conan: What is it called, when Sonoko blows in Ran's ear?  
Haibara: High Speed Data Transfer.

* * *

Conan and Haibara were following Vermouth in a Shopping Mall.

Conan suspected "Why did Vermouth return her new scarf?"  
Haibara answered "It was too tight."

* * *

Conan: What are the worst 3 years of a Vermouth's academic life?  
Haibara: The 1st grade.

* * *

Conan: Why couldn't Vermouth pass her drivers test?  
Haibara: Every time the car stopped she jumped in the backseat.

* * *

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a shower?  
Haibara: The shower has to be turned on before it gets wet.

* * *

Conan: Did you hear about Vermouth, she got an AM radio?  
Haibara: Yeah!, It took her months to figure out, she could use it at night!

* * *

Teacher: we should try 2 stop mosquitoes overgrowing population.

Vermouth: Its impossible!

Teacher: Why?

Vermouth: Because small condoms are very difficult to make!

* * *

Shinichi was doing push ups on the beach,

Shiho sees him and starts laughing loudly and says.. "Sorry to tell you but the women below you has already left."

* * *

Conan: Neh Haibara, what do you like in me and why?

Haibara: I like your smile becoz...because, My favorite color is "YELLOW"

* * *

Conan was upset once again.

Haibara shared her wisdom "Some times small small things in life hurt a lot... If you don't agree with me . . . . . . . . . . TRY TO SIT ON A PIN!"

* * *

Shinichi(Husband) and Shiho(wife) were involved in an argument both of them unwilling to admit that they might be wrong.

"I'll admit, I was wrong", the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt at straightening things out, "If you'll admit that, I'm right!"

He agreed and like gentlemen do, he let her go first.

"I'm wrong", she said.

With a twinkle in his eyes he said, "Yeah!, You're right!"

* * *

Shiho(on the phone): Where the hell are you, jerk?

Shinichi: Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw that necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and I told you, "Baby, it'll be yours one day!"

Shiho: Suddenly in a soft polite voice "Yeah, yeah, I remember, my love!"

Shinichi: I am at the bar just next to that shop!

Shiho: Go to hell, you jerk!

* * *

Co - Ai sms of the day/chapter.

Haibara: One of the Intelligent Monkey is Missing from Zoo.!

Its name is..

is..

is..

is..

is.

is..

is!

Don't worry

It is not you,

be Cos It is intelligent..!

Conan: Then its you!

Haibara: Arrggh!

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Conan: I Love you !  
Haibara: Ha Ha !

Conan: I will die for you !  
Haibara: Ha Ha ha!

Conan: I will buy a diamond ring for you  
Haibara: Aww.. really! Promise?

.

.  
Conan: HaHa Hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha.

* * *

Shinichi to Yusaku: Dad!, My girlfriend 'Ran' has left me & she sent me "private pictures" with herself and her new boyfriend... what should I do?

.

.

Yusaku:(thoughtfully) Sent them all to her father!

* * *

Conan: What do you think, how do I play Violin?  
Haibara: I wish you were on T.V.!  
Conan: I am so happy to hear that, Am I that Good?  
Haibara: Ummm... Not really; if you were on T.V. I can at least switch it off.

* * *

Genta: (indignantly) I do not think I deserved zero on this test!

.

.

.

Kobayashi: I agree, but that is the lowest mark I could give you!

* * *

Driver- That 5/Rupee Tip you Gave Me Was An Insult

Shiho- How Much Should I Tip you

Driver- Minimum 10/Rupee

Shiho- I Don't Want To Insult you Twice!

* * *

Shiho: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a condom?

Vermouth: Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!

* * *

Shiho: Why are Boyfriends like parking spaces?

Vermouth: The good ones are already taken!

* * *

Shiho: What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend?

Vermouth: Well, bike is first kicked than used and boyfriend is first used than kicked.

* * *

Haibara to her boyfriend: Wanna see a magic trick?

Conan: Sure, babe.

Haibara: BAM! You're single.

* * *

Shiho: What does a penis and a boyfriend have in common?

Vermouth: All men have one!

* * *

Shiho. How can you tell if your boyfriend is happy?

Vermouth. Who cares?

* * *

Shiho: When would you want a man's company?

Vermouth. When he owns it!

* * *

Shiho: How do you get your boyfriend to do sit-ups?

Vermouth: Put the remote control between his toes.

* * *

Shiho: What book do women like the most?

Vermouth: "Their boyfriends paycheck!"

* * *

Shiho: Why do only 10 percent of boyfriends make it to heaven?

Vermouth: Because if they all went, it would be called hell.

* * *

Shiho: How can you tell when your boyfriend is well hung?

Vermouth: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

* * *

Vermouth: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for boyfriends?

Sherry: It changes their DNA.

* * *

Shiho: Why are boyfriends like cars?

Vermouth: Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.

* * *

Shiho: How many ex-boyfriends does it take to tile a bathroom?

Vermouth: Two – if you slice them very thinly.

* * *

Shiho: How do boyfriends exercise on the beach?

Vermouth: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

* * *

Shiho: What do a good employee and a boyfriend have in common?

Vermouth: They're always coming early.

* * *

Shiho: What does a boyfriend and mascara have in common?

Vermouth: They both run at the first sign of emotion.

* * *

Shiho: What is the difference between a sofa and a boyfriend watching Monday Night Football?

Vermouth: The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

* * *

Shiho: What's a boyfriends definition of a romantic evening?

Vermouth: Sex.

* * *

Shiho: What do you call a boyfriend who Masturbates more than twice a day?

Vermouth: A Terror-wrist.

* * *

Shiho: How does a boyfriend show he's planning for the future?

Vermouth: He buys an extra case of beer.

* * *

Shiho: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis?

Vermouth: A Boyfriend.

* * *

Shiho: What is a major turnoff?

Vermouth: When your boyfriend talks about his ex.

* * *

Shiho: Why does your boyfriend have a hole in their penis?

Vermouth: So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.

* * *

Shiho: What's a boyfriends idea of honesty in a relationship?

Vermouth: Telling you his real name.

* * *

Shiho: Explain Boyfriend, and its attributes.

Vermouth: A boyfriend suppose to make yo panties WET not yo Eyes.

A Good Boyfriend: Knows you, trusts you, loves you, respects you, honors you, supports you, wants you, and appreciates you. And he doesn't exist.

A jealous boyfriend is a faithful boyfriend. If he doesn't get jealous when someone has your attention, it's because someone has his.

Kissing your boyfriend on the cheek(good).

Kissing your boyfriend in the mouth (awesome).

Kissing your boyfriend in front of his ex (boss).

Boyfriends are like blue jeans. They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced..

My boyfriend is like my I Phone. I don't have one.

* * *

A butcher 'Gin!' goes on a first date and says 'It was nice MEATING you!'

* * *

Conan:(trying to propose) Haibara, you've ever wished for a boyfriend?  
Haibara: Every time I have to carry my groceries up the stairs, I wish I had a boyfriend.  
Conan: Oi oi.

* * *

Conan: Do you want a kiss?  
Haibara: No!.  
Conan: Do you remember what I just said?  
Haibara: Do you want a kiss?  
Conan: Yes, if you insist...  
Haibara(smirks):

* * *

That pretty smart chivalry off yours, guess I've no other option!.  
Conan (furiously blushing): Are you serious?  
Haibara(Shrugs): Just kidding!.

* * *

Conan: Dear, do you know that exams are like girlfriend?  
Haibara: How funny?  
Conan: Yes, they are tough to understand, complicated, lots of questions and the result is always doubtful..

* * *

Haibara:(annoyed) If you were my husband, I would poison your drink  
Conan: If you were my wife, I would drink it!

* * *

Conan: Life's a bitch, just like you.  
Haibara: Actually life is short, just like your dick.  
Conan: Murders are Pathetic, Just as your attitude that is soo sick.  
Haibara: Ahraa, Look who speaks, A Corpse Magnet who happens to be a detective geek!, *Shrugs* or An Idiotic Sherlock Holmes freak.

* * *

Conan: Amazing world, only 25% boys have common sense, very short figure!  
Haibara: What about Rest?  
Conan: Well rest have GIRLFRIENDS!

* * *

Haibara: I want to end up our relationship, I am going to return you everything you gave me..  
Conan: What a joke? Okay then, let's start with Kisses!"

* * *

Conan: "Hey babe, you smell that?"  
Haibara: "No."  
Conan: "Me neither, start cooking."

* * *

Conan: "Oh my god it smells like up sexy in here"  
Haibara: "Whats up sexy?"  
Conan: "Oh nothing much, you?"

* * *

Conan: I Have 2 words to tell you.  
Haibara: What?  
Conan: I love you.  
Haibara: Isn't that 3?  
Conan: No. because"You"& "I" count as 1.  
Haibara: Asshole...*Rolls eyes*  
Conan: Haha. I've been called worse before.  
Haibara: Ha, like what? *Raises eyebrows*  
Conan: Your boyfriend!.

* * *

Eri: Do you have a boyfriend?  
Ran: Yes.  
Eri: Oh my gosh, I wanna meet him!  
Ran: Buy me backstage passes to his concert and we both will.

* * *

Shinichi discussing a story with Shiho.

I got a phone call from a _gorgeous_ ex-girlfriend of mine 'Ran', the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!

"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled.

Shiho murmured "Hmm, so what happened anyway?"

Shinichi blurted "So what?, I told her to _fuck off_".

* * *

Conan and Shinichi

Shinichi and Conan are both buying anniversary gifts for their girlfriends.

"What are you getting your girlfriend?" asks Conan.

And Shinichi says "I'm getting her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."

"Why both?" asks Conan.

And Shinichi says"That way if she doesn't like the ring she can still enjoy the Mercedes when she returns the ring."

And then Shinichi asks Conan "What are you getting your girlfriend?"

And Conan says"I'm buying her a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."

Moral of the incident: Conan is always smarter than Shinichi.

* * *

Shinichi comes home with a bokay of flowers for his girlfriend 'Shiho', she says "I guess, I'll have to spread my legs now."

And Shinichi asks. "Why, don't you have a vase?"

Moral of the story: Shinichi is very dumb!. To fuck anybody.

* * *

Sherry: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?

Vermouth(Shrugs): My job still sucks!

* * *

Conan: Whats long and hard and has cum in it?  
Haibara: A cucumber!

* * *

Conan had an erection, a hard on. Seeing him troubled Haibara speaks up  
Haibara: "Hey, what's up?"  
Conan: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"

* * *

Shinichi was curious to know as to what Shiho had saved his name in her phone contacts, he guessed it would probably, A Knight, Sherlock, Detective Geek, Mystery freak, Lab Rat, Corpse Magnet, Love, Hubby, Genius, and any more adorable things to imagine.

After scanning, He stood speechless and frustrated as he read 'A T M'.

* * *

Conan: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."  
Haibara: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."

* * *

During sex.  
Shinichi: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?  
Shiho: Because their plugged into a genius!

* * *

Conan: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck?  
Haibara: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them.

* * *

Conan: How is a woman like a road?  
Haibara: Both have manholes.

* * *

Conan: Whats long hard and full of seamen?  
Haibara: A submarine.

* * *

Shinichi: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff?  
Shiho: A Crane!

* * *

Mitsuhiko: Why doesn't Conan eat bananas?  
Haibara: He can't find the zipper!

* * *

Shinichi: Three words to ruin a man's ego...?  
Shiho: "Is it in?"

* * *

Conan: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?  
Haibara: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

* * *

Shiho: Why did God give men penises?  
Shinichi: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

* * *

Conan: What kind of bees produce milk?  
Haibara: Boobies.

* * *

Shinichi: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?  
Hatorri: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

* * *

Conan: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?  
Haibara: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

* * *

Co - Ai sms of the day/chapter.

Haibara: Hey Edogawa-kun make a poetry on me, will you? Say anything with flowers / roses.

Conan: Roses are red; Violets are blue

Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo.

Don't feel so angry you will find me there too

Not in cage but outside, laughing at you.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Haibara: Why do Mouri-san and Yoshida-san look beautiful? is it real or due to make up?  
Conan: All false.  
They look beautiful because

.  
I have good IMAGINATION.

* * *

Conan: Why did Vermouth tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Haibara: Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

* * *

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. Vermouth runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

Vermouth asked her friend,"Why does my brother have two sisters and I only have one?"

* * *

Conan: What did one Vermouth, say to the other Vermouth, while entering a bar?  
Haibara: Well Vermouth, Bottoms-Up.

* * *

Conan: Did you hear what happened to Vermouth's ice hockey team?  
Haibara: They drowned in spring training.

* * *

Shiho and Vermouth are walking in the park when Shiho says, "Aw, look at the dead birdie." Vermouth looks up and says, "Where?"

* * *

Sherry starts giving a seminar on Oxygen need fulness to life. "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773."

Vermouth, all of a sudden responds,"Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

* * *

Vermouth is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When Vermouth returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

The doctor exclaims,"That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?"

Vermouth nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!" -

* * *

Vermouth sees a thermos in a store. She asks a clerk,"What is that and what's it for?" The clerk answers,"It's a thermos that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Vermouth says, "I'll take it." When she gets to work, her boss asks, "What is that?" Vermouth worker says,"It's a thermos. It keeps cold things cold and hot things hot." "Whatcha got in it?" "A cup of coffee and a Popsicle."

* * *

There are three girls who are on a road trip. As they are driving through the desert, their car breaks down. They have no phone to call anyone, so they decide to walk to the nearest city, several miles away. They each decide to take one thing to make the journey better. The first girl 'Kir' takes the radio and says, "If we get bored, we can put the radio on and listen to music." The second girl 'Sherry' decides to take a wheel, "In case one of us gets really tired, we can go inside the wheel and be rolled." The third girl 'Vermouth' takes the car door, "In case it gets too hot, we can roll down the window!"

* * *

Conan: How does Vermouth clean up the workplace?  
Haibara: She wipes her mouth.

* * *

Vermouth walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes.

"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well, they feel a bit tight," replies Vermouth.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and Vermouth's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk.

"Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," Vermouth replies.

* * *

Conan: How many Vermouth's does it take to screw in a light bulb?  
Haibara: Too many to count.

* * *

Conan: What do you give Vermouth, who has everything?  
Haibara: Penicillin!.

* * *

Vermouth tells her friend Chianti, "I slept with a Brazilian!..."  
Chianti replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

* * *

Conan: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?  
Haibara: Last year's hide-and-go-seek winner.

* * *

Conan: What do you call a basement full of Vermouth's?  
Haibara: A whine cellar.

* * *

Conan: How would I you know if Vermouth likes me?  
Haibara: She screws you two nights in a row.

* * *

Conan: What does Vermouth say if you blow in her ear?  
Haibara: "Thanks for the refill!"

* * *

Conan: What do Vermouth do after she comb her hair?  
Haibara: She pull up her pants.

* * *

Conan: How do you get Vermouth on the roof?  
Haibara: Tell her drinks are on the house.

* * *

Conan: Why do Vermouth wear underwear?  
Haibara: To keep her ankles warm.

* * *

Conan: What can strike Vermouth without her even knowing it?  
Haibara: A thought.

* * *

Conan: Why don't Vermouth get coffee breaks?  
Haibara: It takes too long to re-train her.

* * *

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and Gin?  
Haibara: Vermouth has the higher sperm count.

* * *

Conan: Why was Vermouth confused after giving birth to twins?  
Haibara: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.

* * *

Conan: Why does Vermouth wear green lipstick?  
Haibara: Because red means Stop.

* * *

Conan: Did you hear about Vermouth with a PhD in Psychology?  
Haibara: She'll blow your mind, too.

* * *

Conan: Why did Vermouth tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?  
Haibara: She wanted a lot of male in her box.

* * *

Conan: What is Vermouth's favorite color?  
Haibara: Glitter.

* * *

Conan: What is the difference between Vermouth and traffic signs?  
Haibara: Some traffic signs say stop.

* * *

Conan: Did you hear about the new Vermouth's paint?  
Haibara: It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

* * *

Conan: Why do Vermouth wash her hair in the sink?  
Haibara: Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.

* * *

Conan: Why do men like Vermouth's jokes?  
Haibara: Because they can understand her.

* * *

Shiho: Why is Vermouth so easy to get into bed?  
Shinichi: Who cares?  
Shiho: *slaps*

* * *

Conan: Why did Vermouth scale the chain-link fence?  
Haibara: To see what was on the other side.

* * *

Conan: How do you make Vermouth laugh on Saturday?  
Haibara: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

* * *

Conan: Why did Vermouth stare at frozen orange juice?  
Haibara: Because it said 'concentrate'.

* * *

Conan: What do ' Smart Vermouth's ' and UFO's have in common?  
Haibara: You always hear about her but you never see her.

* * *

Conan: Why does it take longer to build Vermouth snowman as opposed to a regular one?  
Haibara: You have to hollow out the head.

* * *

Conan: How do you get a twinkle in Vermouth's eye?  
Haibara: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

* * *

Conan: Did you hear about the two Vermouth's that were found frozen to death in her car at a drive-in movie theater?  
Haibara: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

* * *

Conan: Why can't Vermouth be pharmacists?  
Haibara: She keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

* * *

Conan: How can you tell if Vermouth is being unfaithful?  
Haibara: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin.

* * *

Conan: Why did Vermouth jump off the cliff?  
Haibara: She thought her maxi pad had wings.

* * *

Conan: Why did god give Vermouth 2 more brain cells than he gave cows?  
Haibara: So she wouldn't shit all over when you play with her, tits.

* * *

Conan: What is the difference between a 747 jumbo jet and Vermouth?  
Haibara: Not everyone has been in a 747.

* * *

Conan: Why did Vermouth have rectangular tits?  
Haibara: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box!.

* * *

Conan: Why is Vermouth like pianos?  
Haibara: When she isn't upright, she's grand.

* * *

Conan: How do you get Vermouth pregnant?  
Haibara: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

* * *

Conan: Why can't Vermouth count to 70?  
Haibara: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

* * *

Conan: Why don't Vermouth like anal sex?  
Haibara: She don't like her brains being screwed with.

* * *

Conan: How do you get Vermouth off of her knees?  
Haibara: Come.

* * *

Conan: How does Vermouth kill a fish?  
Haibara: By drowning it.

* * *

Conan: Vermouth is going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?  
Haibara: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

* * *

Conan: How do you know Vermouth has just lost her virginity?  
Haibara: Her crayons are still sticky.

* * *

Conan: How does Vermouth moonwalk?  
Haibara: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

* * *

Conan: Why can't Vermouth water-ski?  
Haibara: When she get her crotch wet, she think she has to lay down.

* * *

Conan: What happens when you give 61 dollars to Vermouth?  
Haibara: She wants 8 (ate) more.

* * *

Conan: What does Vermouth and a turtle have in common?  
Haibara: If either one of her end up on there back they are both f*cked.

* * *

Conan: What's the difference between a chorus line of Vermouth and a magician?  
Haibara: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

* * *

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and the Panama Canal?  
Haibara: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

* * *

Conan: What is a Vermouth blood type?  
Haibara: Pink glitter.

* * *

Conan: What do you call Vermouth with pigtails?  
Haibara: A blow job with handlebars

* * *

Conan: Why did Vermouth shoot the clock?  
Haibara: To Kill time

* * *

Conan: Why don't Vermouth in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?  
Haibara: Cause her balls show!

* * *

Conan: How do you measure Vermouth's intelligence?  
Haibara: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

* * *

Conan: How do you keep Vermouth busy all day?  
Haibara: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

* * *

Conan: How did Vermouth die ice fishing?  
Haibara: She was run over by the Zamboni's machine.

* * *

Conan: How do I get Vermouth to marry me?  
Haibara: Tell her she's pregnant.

* * *

Conan: What does Vermouth ask the doctor, in the maternity ward?  
Haibara: "Is it mine?"

* * *

Conan: How does Vermouth moonwalk?  
Haibara: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

* * *

Conan: What is the difference between a 'Smart Vermouth' and Gin?  
Haibara: Gin has been spotted.

* * *

Conan: Why is a washing machine better than Vermouth?  
Haibara: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

* * *

Shiho: What do you say to Vermouth with no arms and no legs?  
Shinichi: "Nice tits!"  
Shiho: *slaps*

* * *

Conan: What does Vermouth make best for dinner?  
Haibara: Reservations.

* * *

Conan: What do Vermouth do with her arse holes in the morning?  
Haibara: Pack her lunch and send her to work.

* * *

Conan: What do Vermouth and cow-pats have in common?  
Haibara: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

* * *

Conan: What does Vermouth say when you ask her if her blinker is on?  
Haibara: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

* * *

Conan: What all does Vermouth and a 747 have in common?  
Haibara: They both have a black box.  
Haibara: Both have a cockpit.

* * *

Conan: What do you get when you offer Vermouth a penny for her thoughts?  
Haibara: Change.

* * *

Conan: What do you call five Vermouth at the bottom of the pool?  
Haibara: Air bubbles.

* * *

Conan: What do you call a room full of Vermouth, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?  
Haibara: A whine and cheese party!.

* * *

Shiho: What do you call Vermouth lesbian?  
Shinichi: A waste.

* * *

Conan: What do you call 4 Vermouth lying on the ground?  
Haibara: An air mattress.

* * *

Conan: What do you call a dumb Vermouth behind a steering wheel?  
Haibara: An Air Bag.

* * *

Conan: What do you call Vermouth between Kir and Sherry?  
Haibara: A mental block.

* * *

Conan: What do you call 10 Vermouth standing ear to ear?  
Haibara: A wind tunnel.

* * *

Conan: What do you call 15 Vermouth in a circle?  
Haibara: A dope ring.

* * *

Conan: What do you call an unmarried Vermouth in a BMW?  
Haibara: Divorcee'

* * *

Conan: What do you call Vermouth with 2 brain cells?  
Haibara: Pregnant.

* * *

Conan: What do you call Vermouth in an institution of higher learning?  
Haibara: A visitor.

* * *

Conan: What do you call Vermouth with half a brain?  
Haibara: Gifted!

* * *

Conan: What do you call Vermouth with a dollar on the top of her head?  
Haibara: All you can eat, under a buck.

* * *

Conan: Why did god give Vermouth 2% more brains than horses?  
Haibara: Because he didn't want her shitting in the streets during parades.

* * *

Conan: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?  
Haibara: Wave to her.

* * *

Conan: How does Vermouth turn on the light after she has had sex?  
Haibara: She opens the car door.

* * *

Conan: How does Vermouth get pregnant?  
Haibara: And I thought Vermouth was dumb!

* * *

Conan: How does Vermouth part her hair?  
Haibara: (Action of scissoring legs apart)  
Haibara: By doing the splits.

* * *

Conan: How do you tell when Vermouth reaches orgasm?  
Haibara: She drops her nail-file!  
Haibara: Who cares?  
Haibara: She says, "Next".  
Haibara: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.  
Haibara: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.  
Haibara: I mean, who really cares?  
Haibara: The batteries have run out.

* * *

Conan: How do you make Vermouth's eyes light up?  
Haibara: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

* * *

Conan: Why do Vermouth wear shoulder pads?  
Haibara: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

* * *

Conan: How does Vermouth prefer her eggs?  
Haibara: Unfertilized!.

* * *

Conan: How do you drown Vermouth!  
Haibara: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.  
Haibara: Don't tell her to swallow.  
Haibara: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

* * *

Conan: How does Vermouth give a high-five?  
Haibara: She smacks herself in the forehead.

* * *

Conan: How do you describe Vermouth, surrounded by drooling idiots?  
Haibara: Flattered.

* * *

Conan: What do you call Vermouth with ESP and PMS?  
Haibara: A know-it-all bitch.

* * *

Conan: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny Vermouth?  
Haibara: One's a phony buck.

* * *

Conan: Who is the best secretary in the world, for Anokata?  
Haibara: Vermouth, she never misses a period.

* * *

Conan: What does Vermouth think an innuendo is?  
Haibara: An Italian suppository.

* * *

Conan: What is every Vermouth's ambition in life?  
Haibara: To be like Wanna White and learn the alphabet.

* * *

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a brick?  
Haibara: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

* * *

Conan: What is foreplay for Vermouth?  
Haibara: Thirty minutes of begging.

* * *

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a broom closet?  
Haibara: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

* * *

Conan: What's the difference between Vermouth and a phone booth?  
Haibara: You need a quarter to use the phone.  
Haibara: Only one person can use the phone at once.

* * *

Conan: What does the Bermuda Triangle and Vermouth have in common?  
Haibara: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

* * *

Conan: What did Vermouth say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?  
Haibara: "It's OK Gin, I'm not hurt."

* * *

Conan: How does Vermouth commit suicide?  
Haibara: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

* * *

Conan: How do you plant dope?  
Haibara: Bury Vermouth.

* * *

Conan: How do you kill Vermouth?  
Haibara: Put spikes in her shoulder pads.

* * *

Conan: How do Vermouth pierce her ears?  
Haibara: She put tacks in her shoulder pads.

* * *

Conan: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary like Vermouth?  
Haibara: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

* * *

Conan: Why is Vermouth hurt by peoples words?  
Haibara: Because people keep hitting their with dictionaries.

* * *

*******************  
Conan: What did Vermouth do when she got her period?  
Haibara: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

* * *

Conan: Why is Vermouth like cornflakes?  
Haibara: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

* * *

Conan: Why can't Vermouth change light bulbs?  
Haibara: She keep breaking her with the hammers.

* * *

Conan: Why can't Vermouth make ice cubes?  
Haibara: She always forget the recipe.

* * *

Conan: Did you hear about Vermouth coyote?  
Haibara: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

* * *

Conan: When is it legal to shoot Vermouth in the head?  
Haibara: When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it!

* * *

Conan: What did Vermouth say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?  
Haibara: "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong!"

* * *

Jodie: Vermouth, Kir, and Sherry are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest?  
Akai: Vermouth, because she is the only one that's 18.

* * *

Vermouth told her girlfriend 'Chianti', "I was so worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. And I was so relieved when he told me that all I needed was blinker fluid!"

* * *

Vermouth walked into the dentist office and sat down in the chair.  
The dentist said "Open Wide"  
"I can't" Vermouth said."This chair has arms"

* * *

Vermouth a girl was talking to her redhead friend Sherry about her boyfriend's dandruff problem.  
The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?"  
Vermouth replies, "Ahraa, How do you give shoulders?"

* * *

Vermouth's One Liners

If pink and glitter were vitamins, Vermouth would be the healthiest people alive.

Vermouth: I'm not dumb, I just have a lot of blonde moments.

You know what's hotter than Vermouth? ABSOLUTELY nothing.

We all have one ginger friend that claims to be "strawberry blonde"

Every Vermouth needs a Sherry as her best friend

Anything you can do, Vermouth can do better

The princess emoji may be a Vermouth, but the wife emoji is a Sherry.

* * *

There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are Vermouth, and one is a Shiho. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally Shiho delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The Vermouth's, all moved by Shiho's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

* * *

Vermouth, Kir, and Sherry, all work at the same office for a female boss 'Chianti' who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says Sherry, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. Sherry gets some extra gardening done, Kir goes to a bar, and Vermouth goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says Sherry. "Yeah, We should do it again sometime." says Kir. "No way," says Vermouth. "I almost got caught!"

* * *

Vermouth is in a car and a Driver is driving it on a hilly road. At the top of a very high steep hill, they start going down it very fast. The driver screams, "Oh no! The brakes don't work!" Vermouth in the passenger seat says, "Don't worry. There's a stop sign ahead."

* * *

Conan: Why did Vermouth get fired from the m&m factory?  
Haibara: She was throwing away all the "w"s!

* * *

Conan: Why did Vermouth get excited after finishing the jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months.  
Haibara: Because the box said from 3 to 5 years .

* * *

Vermouth: "What does IDK stand for?"  
Sherry: "I don't know."  
Vermouth: "OMG, nobody does!"

* * *

Vermouth and Chianti fell down a hole. Chianti said, "It's dark in here isn't it?"  
Vermouth replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

* * *

Conan: Why did Vermouth have sex with a Mexican?  
Haibara: Her teacher told her, she had to do an Essay.

* * *

Vermouth, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handy woman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" Asked the Owner 'Kudo Shinichi'. Vermouth said,"How about 50 dollars?". Shinichi agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. Shinichi's wife, Shiho, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?". Shinichi replied,"She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, Vermouth came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," Vermouth answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, Shinichi reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," Vermouth added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

* * *

There were three women. A Red headed 'Sherry', a brunette 'Kir', and a blonde 'Vermouth'. They were talking, then they started talking about sex. The Red headed one said I'm gonna have 3 baby's. The brunette said she was gonna have twins. And Vermouth started crying and the other two women asked her what was wrong. And Vermouth said she was gonna have baby dogs because she had sex doggy style!

* * *

Vermouth gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. Vermouth replies,"I'm on the corner of 'Walk'and 'Do Not Walk.' "

* * *

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"

* * *

Once Vermouth was driving in the country side when she went around the corner and saw an ocean of wheat fields. Then she saw Sherry in a row boat frantically paddling. Vermouth driver yelled out,"Hey! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name and if I knew how to swim, I'd swim out there and kick your ass!"

* * *

"May I take your order?" Vermouth 'a waitress' asked."Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" asked Shinichi "Nothing special sir," she replied,"we just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

* * *

Vermouth a blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, Vermouth goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. Vermouth asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I'm a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"

* * *

Once upon a time Vermouth was swimming in the river. Shinichi went up to her and asked, "Why are you doing this? Vermouth said, "I'm washing my clothes. Is there a problem?" Shinichi said, "Why don't you try a washing machine?". Vermouth replied, "I feel dizzy in the washing machine!"

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Conan: (annoyed) Haibarrrra!... you are such a pain in my butt!.  
Haibara: *chuckles*  
Conan(hisses): Fuck you, idiot!.(rudely)  
Haibara(furious): Fuck you too, Metantei!.  
Conan(smirks): Promise?  
Haibara(blushes): *Blinks*

* * *

Yusaku: Do you have a trouble making decisions?  
Shinichi: well, yes and no!

* * *

Shinichi: Mom, yesterday when I was on bus with dad, dad told me to give up my  
seat to a lady.  
Yukiko: Good, you have done right thing.  
Shinichi: but Mom I was sitting on dad's lap.

* * *

Yusaku to Shinichi: Whenever I beat you, you don't get annoyed, how you control your anger?  
Shinichi: I start cleaning the toilet seat with your toothbrush

* * *

Shinichi asked to Yusaku: Dad!, Why was the math book sad?  
Yusaku: Because it had too many problems.

* * *

Once in a bar, one guy said to another..  
"I slept with your mom last night."  
after that whole bar was waiting another guy's response.

After a while... the other guy 'Shinichi' laughs and says: Let's go home, Father, you are drunk...

* * *

Once there were three Ladies. Shiho, Ran & Sonoko  
Shiho -My husband's hair color is Black, So I will wear Black Dress for tomorrow Party.  
Ran :- My husband's hair color is red, So I will wear red Dress for tomorrow Party.  
Sonoko questioned: My Husband is bald, So what should I ?!

* * *

The boss 'Shinichi' returned after lunch in a cool mood and he called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes, which he had picked up.

Everybody, but one girl 'Shiho' laughed uproariously.

He asked 'What's the matter?' grumbled the boss. 'Haven't you got a sense of humor?

She replied-'I don't have to laugh,' Because 'I'm leaving this Friday.

* * *

Haibara: Kudo-kun what are the three dreams of a man:  
Conan: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects...

* * *

Ran: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that''s vanity?  
Shiho: No, it''s imagination.'

* * *

Kobayashi: Could you please pay a little attention here?  
Conan: yes mam, I am paying as little attention as I can. !

* * *

Kobayashi: What are some products of the West Indies?  
Conan: *Shrugs* I don't know.  
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?  
Mitsuhiko: From the grocery!  
Ayumi: or the departmental stores.  
Haibara: We import it from West Indies, Mexico, Cuba.  
Teacher: *smiles*, Whole class: Whoa!...  
Genta(correcting his nose): Sokka, but we borrow it from our neighbor...

* * *

An English teacher 'Jodie Sensei 'wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed her students to punctuate it correctly.

Shinichi wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." Showing this he smirked looking at Shiho. And he snatched her note.

Shiho: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing." This made Shinichi's jaw hit the floor.

* * *

Yusaku buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie! He decided to test it at dinner with his son...

Yusaku: Son, where were you today during school hrs  
Shinichi: at school  
(The robot slaps Shinichi)  
Shinichi: okay, I went to the movies!  
Yusaku: which one?  
Shinichi: Mission Impossible...  
(The robot slaps Shinichi)  
Shinichi: okay, I was watching porn!  
Yusaku: what? When I was your age I didn't know even what porn was?  
(The robot slaps Yusaku)  
Yukiko: haahaha:- After all he is your son!  
THE ROBOT SLAPS Yukiko...

* * *

Shiho: Look at that Drunker!  
Shinichi: Who is he?  
Shiho: 10 years back he proposed me & I Rejected.  
Shinichi: Oh My God, He is still Celebrating . Wow!

* * *

Kobayashi**(on phone):** You say Genta has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?  
Genta**:** This is my father.

* * *

**Yusaku****:** Let me see your report card.  
Shinichi**:** I don't have it.  
Yusaku**:** Why not?  
Shinichi**:** My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

* * *

"Dad, are bugs good to eat?" asked the Shinichi .

"Let's not talk about such things at the dinner table, son," Yusaku replied.

After dinner Yusaku inquired, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?"

"Oh, nothing," Shinichi said. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."

* * *

Conan was at the zoo with Yusaku. They were looking at the tigers, and Yusaku was telling him how ferocious they were.

"Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…"

"Yes, son?" the father asked, ready to console him.

" …Which bus would I take home?"

* * *

**Kobayashi:**When is the boiling point reached?  
Genta**:** When my father sees my report card!

* * *

**Shinichi:** What does your father do for a living?  
Kaito**:** He's a magician. He performs tricks, like disappearing and never appearing.

* * *

Four men, Araide, Hattori, Kaito, Shinichi are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies.

A nurse goes up to Araide and says, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins."

"That's odd," answers Araide . "My clinic's name is twin-kle star"

A nurse says to Hattori, "Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!"

"That's weird," answers the second man. "My detective agency is named 'Triangle' "

A nurse tells Kaito, "Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets!"

"That's strange," he answers. "My magic institute is named four-dimensional"

Then Shinichi is found, groaning and banging his head against the wall. Groaning 'Shiho... Shiho' , "What's wrong?" the others ask.

"My Organization's name is Million Solutions!"

* * *

**Shinichi:**For $20, I'll be good.  
Yusaku**:** Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

* * *

**Yusaku: **How do you like fourth grade?  
**Shinichi:** It isn't much fun.  
**Yusaku:**That's too bad. It was the best three years of my life!

* * *

**Shinichi:** Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?  
Yusaku**:** No.  
Shinichi**:** Then it's a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!

* * *

**Mitsuhiko:**I have a lot of my dad's genes.  
Genta**:** Really? I bet they don't fit.

* * *

Yusaku sobbing at inflation : See my son, when I was 15 Years old, I used to get Monthly Commodities, Milk, Vegetables and fruits all for Rupees 10.

Conan: But daddy, Now you cannot get all those things, because now there are CC cameras fitted in the shop.

* * *

Kugoro asked his 8 year old Daughter Ran, "Baby what will you do after growing up?'  
Ran replies, "Daddy I will Marry"  
Kugoro replies, "No my Daughter, that's wrong, You should not think some one's Bad! at this age."

* * *

Conan: Daddy, When did you go to EGYPT?  
Yusaku: No I have not gone to EGYPT, but why are you asking like that?  
Conan: Then from where did you brought the MUMMY

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Yusaku: What is your exam's results?  
Conan: Under water  
Yusaku: What do you mean?  
Conan: All below 'C' level

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Yusaku:**You Idiot, See that neighbor's Girl 'Haibara Ai' she got 95% marks and you have failed. That neighbor's girl….**  
Conan**: Why are you repeating Neighbor's girl several times, By seeing that 'Girl'****Only I have failed in my EXAMS**

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Yusaku: See my boy, there is nothing in this world which is Impossible.  
Shinichi: Oh I see, Then I will pour a glass of milk on the floor, put complete milk back in to the glass.

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Kugoro was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, Eri asked what he was doing and he answered – waiting for autumn. SLAP!

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One day there was this naked Conan and elephant, the elephant looks at the naked Conan for a few seconds, then the elephant ask the naked Conan, "HOW CAN YOU BREATH THROUGH THAT LITTLE THING?"


	7. Chapter 7

Haibara:''Why Do Men Wear Underwear?

Conan: As Per Military Rules, All Types Of Weapons Should Be Kept Covered During Peace Time

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Three Women Loves Shinichi.

But Shinichi Has To Choose Only One.

So He Decided To Test Them By Giving $5000 To Each One Of Them To Spend.

1st Lady Ran: Bought Costly Cosmetics For Herself, She Wanted To Look Good For Him.

2nd Lady Sera: Bought The Branded Shirts For The Guy, She Wanted To Make Him Look Dashing.

3rd Lady Sonoko: Didnt Spend Any Money And Deposited It To The Bank To Get Interest, She Wanted To Save The Money For Their Future .

At Last.

The He Married The Lady, Who Has Big Boobs 'Shiho!' .

Moral: How Ever Dense Shinichi might be, He Will Always Be a Man?

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Shiho: What is the perfect example of both Good & Bad Luck?

Shinichi: The naughty wind blows your skirt high (Good luck) but at the same time Dust falls in my eyes (Bad luck).

Shiho: *slap*

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Conan and Haibara of class 2 asked teacher Kobayashi:

"can kids of our age have kids?"

Kobayashi replied " NO Never!"

Conan said to Haibara, "see i told you not to worry!".

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Haibara wrote Most interesting line

on the front of T-shirt

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Excuse me !

My face is above.;-)...

Conan immediately wore a plain t shirt with a comment. ' Ive seen that only thing i havent is the inside of that'

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Genta Brings His Cat To School.

Kobayashi Asked: Why ?

Genta Tearfully Replies: I Heard Daddy Telling Mom I Am Going To Tear Your Pussy After Genta Goes To School

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Haibara was horny and wanted to get fucked. She seductively stared towards Conan and undid her panties beneath her skirt passionately...and huskily asked him with lustful sensations, can you make me feel, that am a woman?.

Conan casually undid his shirt & pants and replied. Sure, so wash these too with your panties.

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Conan: Why are condoms transparent?

Haibara: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!

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Conan: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Haibara: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.

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Conan: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?

Haibara: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.

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Conan: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN?

Haibara: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR.. it's SHOWTIME!

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A naked lady Vermouth gets into taxi. Driver looks at her.

Vermouth: haven't you ever seen a naked woman?

Driver: No I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me.

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Haibara wears sleeveless dress every time. On right arm she writes 'C' and on left arm 'L' .

Conan asked: what does it means?

Haibara: I am cOOl.

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Two Girls, Vermouth and Chianti were masturbating with carrots.

Conan says: What are you doing?

Girls: you naughty guy, will u join us?

Conan: Wait, I'll get a carrot...!

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Two kids were lying on bed in same basket.

1st Conan: I am boy and you?

2nd Haibara: I don't know.

Conan: wait I will see. He went into the blanket and said, you are a girl.

Haibara: how did you know?

Conan: because my socks are blue and your socks are pink.

Moral: Improve your thoughts for god sake.

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While fucking, Vermouth started shouting PEPSI PEPSI. Gin asked what's PEPSE?

Vermouth replied P-please E-enter your P-penny S-slowly I-inside.

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Judge: Why do you want a divorce?

Gin: she does not satisfy me in bed.

Judge: is it true madam?

Vermouth: dammit, whole colony is happy, only this idiot has problem.

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Ran- mom, when can you be sure that a man is thinking of sex?

Kisaki: put your finger near his nose, if he breathing, he is thinking of sex.

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Gin and Vodka are searching for their lost wife's.

Vodka: how does your wife looks?

Gin: 5.9 heights, 36-24-36, fair, blue eyes, sexy, what is yours?

Vodka: forget mine, let's search yours.

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Kobayashi: write a sentence ending with hand.

Conan: my penis in your hand.

Kobayashi slapped and asked: what is this?

Conan: oh I forget to put space between pen and is.

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On the first night both Gin and Vermouth claim virginity.

Vermouth(suspicious): if this is your first time then how you fucked so well?

Gin: if this is your 1st time then how you know I fucked so well?

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Vermouth bought a new transparent bra and wore in front of her husband.

Gin: honey you look very sexy in this bra.

Vermouth: you know salesman was also saying same thing.

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Vermouth enters a sex shop.

Vermouth: where is the duplicate penis section?

Clerk: it's their mam.

Vermouth: how much for this big red one?

Clerk: sorry madam, its fire extinguisher.

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Vermouth is a Nurse. She comes in doctor's room.

Doctor asked: why is your one boobs out of your shirt?

Vermouth: these medical students never keep the things at place after use.

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Conan: Why Vermouth wear's panties with printed flower?

Haibara: It's a way of saying come on guys, water my garden.

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Vermouth: if I sleep with your most loving friend what would be the first thought coming to your mind?

Gin: that you are a lesbian.

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Conan comes to class with broken specs.

Kobayashi: what happened?

Conan: I was kissing Haibara.

Kobayashi: but how did your specs break?

Conan: she closed her legs.

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Vermouth in good mood rotating husbands sex organ in bed.

Gin: Do you want Sex?

Vermouth: no., just joined car driving school and practicing gear changing.

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Gin and Vodka were having dinner, Gin says: pass the wine you divine.

Vodka thinks how poetic, and says: pass this custard you bastard.

*Gun Shot*

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90yrs old Vodka: my 18yrs wife is pregnant, your opinion.

Gin: I tell you a story. A hunter in hurry took an umbrella instead of gun. He saw a lion and lifts the umbrella and pulls the handle. The lion drops dead.

Vodka: that's impossible someone else must have shot it.

Gin: exactly now you understand.

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Conan:Monkeys and girls are same,because they fight only for banana.

Haibara: Boys and rats are same because they are always searching for new holes.

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Conan came crying,

Yusaku: what happened?

Conan: today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Haibara, who sits in front of us, had her slip stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out.

Yusaku: that's bad, but why you are crying?

Conan: I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped me.

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Haibara: Don't play with street dogs, you may get rabies.

Conan: Don't play with smart boys you may get babies.

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Vermouth read a book and tells Gin. "a bull fucks 300 times a year. You don't do quarter of that".

Gin: does the book say the bull fucks the same cow?

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Shiho: sorry sir you can't smoke here.

Shinichi: but I bought cigarette from this shop.

Shiho (coolly): we also sell condoms, but it doesn't mean you start fucking here.

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Haibara: my right leg is lunch and left leg is dinner, what you will like to have?

Conan: I would like to have snacks between lunch and dinner.

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Kobayashi: to keep your character good, think every woman as your mother.

Conan: but thinking every woman as my mother will make my fathers character bad.

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Shiho: What's the similarity between school bell and girls hole?

Shinichi: When you hit any of these, children come out.

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Conan: What's the Difference between good girl and bad girl?.

Haibara: Good girl Open a few buttons in hot atmosphere, but bad girl open all button to make the atmosphere hot.


End file.
